Rovers 2 Everton 3: A fight for sore eyes.

On 19th June 1794 a British expeditionary force landed at Calvi in Northern Corsica. Their aim was to seize control of the town and use it as a base from which to launch a naval assault on the French mainland, gaining a crucial advantage in the ongoing war with their revolutionary forces. On board one of the first vessels to arrive was a 36 year-old Norwich City fan (or at least he would have been had his local team existed then) called Horatio Nelson. In the chaos of battle, Nelson was injured by a piece of debris which struck him in his right eye. The wound was dressed and he returned to the front line, but his vision was damaged irreparably, and he had to abandon all hope of ever seeing his beloved Canaries in 3D HD at a participating pub.

Fast forward 216 years and history has repeated itself. The marauding Mediterranean maestro Arteta, believing himself unfairly treated by Admiral Pedersen, introduced his finger into the Norwegian’s right eye, potentially blinding the ineffective Norwegian. Colleagues on the Blackburn End were heard to suggest that the loss of 3D vision would not make much difference to MGP’s general play, given his pre-existing inability to pass to a teammate. Amidst this fierce battle a game of football was played. Everton looked strong, and deserved their 1-0 half-time lead, Arteta stroking home a penalty after the other Admiral Nelsen had carelessly tripped him with a trailing leg. Rovers began the second half full of bluster, and were rewarded in style. Stephen Nzonzi, displaying a rare instinct to get forward, received a pass from Dunn and unleashed a piledriving right foot shot into the far corner of Howard’s net. Yakubu was introduced and scored immediately after more lax defending from Nelsen, who looks as if he is dreaming of lifting the World Cup on the 11th July.

Equally improbable was Roberts’ equaliser, a thumping, 25 yard first-time volley on the turn which nestled in the bottom corner of the Everton goal. Roberts has consistently demonstrated a desire to miss the target from inches, so this blast had the Blackburn End rubbing their eyes in disbelief. Sadly, the rapturous celebrations, and slightly incongruous half-hearted pitch invasion, were in vain. Cahill, quiet for most of the match, found himself one yard out in front of an empty net with seconds to spare. Seconds later, we were treated to his dismally mediocre goal celebration and the game was up.

As I was trudging back to the car through the backstreets of Ewood, despatches came through reporting that Norwich City had been promoted back to the Championship. I thought of Nelson looking down, albeit with limited vision, celebrating their success with Hardy and planning away trips to Scunthorpe, Doncaster and Burnley. Maybe he would have been better supporting Calvi FC instead.

Category: Everton, Match Report, Morten Gamst Pedersen